relapse

"dude relapse is so 8th grade" 

then I'm just in time because I'm always late

wait 

"did you just admit to relapse?"

well perhaps 

I did. what's wrong with that?

recovery is a process that's one step forward 

and 2 steps back 

did we get so caught up in the idea of being "okay" again 

that we forgot how long it truly takes to win 

a war 

and by "we" I mean "me" because the other night I had to be reminded 

that becoming "okay" is not an immediate process 

"like wow, can't you get over it already?"

I am getting over it, slow and steady

isn't that what wins the race?

why should my recovery be any of your business, anyways?

did I ask for your opinion 

to begin with?

I didn't think so, but since you need to know

I have been feeling not so good lately 

and it's not the kind of not so good that is going to make me 

vomit out the contents of my stomach,

but more or less the not so good feeling that can only be felt 

in the cavity where the contents of my brain are held

and I'm not exactly sure how to ask for help 

"find some ways to relieve your stress"

like what? I already know what is coming next:

you can write or paint pictures or maybe even hang out with your 

friends?

ah, but my friends all have friends who are more important to them 

so I guess this is where the tables turn?

read all about it: a crash and burn scenario 

where I play the procrastinating protagonist 

"oh my god, where are you even going with this?"

well, miss, writing is a hit and miss 

kind of thing and I think you are missing the total meaning behind my seemingly meaningless narration 

of the frustration I am currently fighting the temptation to release 

nobody promised that recovery would be easy or sweet, 

but I expected it to be simple and neat-

a one and done completion.

I was not prepared for the sloppiness 

isn't that obvious? obviously nobody is 

I wasn't aware that I would have to walk the road alone 

"just shut up already. you can handle it. after all, you're almost grown" 

but since when does my age make me less prone 

to facing the problems I have never been able to solve?

we need to be more honest with ourselves and everybody else, to be quite honest 

"dude, there's nothing wrong with relapse"

perhaps we could try something new for a change?

by we, I don't just mean me this time 

because the time has come for us all to realize how real these battles are

my friends tell me that when they drive they often consider crashing their cars

and honestly that's not even the worst part

because I have been in their shoes so many times before 

we all have nooses hanging behind our closed doors 

so maybe, that's what I'm being a "nuisance" for 

"sucide is the second leading cause of death for ages 10-24"

one in 12 of my friends will attempt to end their life prematurely 

so I guess relapse isn't so "eighth grade" and I'm making the decision to be brave,

because I am not ashamed anymore.

"recovery is a process that's one step forward and two steps back." 

you seem like you've been doing okay lately? 

yeah, well, it's good to be back.