madness

on nights like tonight I have to remind myself to breathe

the cold sea envelopes me in its unforgiving arms 

and suddenly I see my lifeless body laying on the floor,

I am watching myself gasp for air and I am helpless

I did it to myself, a slash on each wrist and a bottle of pills for good measure 

I ended it all because I never could measure up 

to the standards that I set for myself

I got too high before class and I drank too much on the weekends

I dug my own grave, where I will rest for eternity 

6 feet under the stars

I plotted my course for destruction on my lovers thighs 

I bet he never saw this coming, I bet he will forget me in year 

please tell mom that this isn't her fault 

there are galaxies and nebulas trapped inside my chest

I have to let them out, I watch the stardust seep from my veins 

and I feel satisfied 

I bet nobody saw this coming, 

my facade was indestructible, a flawless portrayal of the person I have never been

I need my meds back,

being mentally unstable isn't treating me well

it is the gift I never asked for,

the silent killer among the crowd

there is nothing poetic about this sickening sadness

slashed wrists aren't battle scars

and the pills bring violent vomiting fits 

I did not leave this world quietly or beautifully,

I left kicking and screaming,

just like i came in.